Things Will Get Better
by bamfhowell
Summary: MPREG PHANFIC. Dan lost his baby during his pregnancy and had a tough time getting over it. After a year of losing the baby, Dan is finally getting his life back but then he finds a blanket he had bought for the baby and has another breakdown and Phil comforts him.


A year. That's how long it had been since Dan has lost his baby.

It was a hard time for Dan, and even Phil, and it took him months for Dan to recover from losing the baby. For months, he stayed locked up in his bedroom and cried. He didn't come out of his room for days; he didn't even eat or sleep until Phil forced him out of his bedroom. Phil did everything he could in his power to comfort Dan and make sure that he was okay and still healthy. He knew that losing the baby was completely horrible for Dan. They had been so excited about being parents. It would have been their first child together, but they lost it. Dan was four months long when he lost it. The baby was going to be a boy and Dan had been excited about having a boy. He had always wanted a little baby boy of his own.

Phil had even gone to suggesting that they tried again, as Dan was a Carrier and he could have more children. But, Dan was just absolutely terrified of losing another baby. He had gone through so much heartbreak after losing his first baby, and the thought of losing another baby terrified Dan. He didn't want to get his hopes up again only to have them crushed again. Dan didn't know if he could handle another heartbreak like that.

Now that's it's been a year since they've lost the baby... things have gotten better for both Phil and for Dan. Dan was finally making youtube videos again and he and Phil were going to be doing their radio show again next month. Dan just needed a little more time before he could be on the radio show. Both Dan and Phil were excited and they were so thankful that the BBC had given them time to get over the loss of the baby. The BBC had been very supportive of them, which helped Dan and Phil massively with everything that they had gone through and were still going through.

"Phil, have you seen my phone anywhere?" Dan asked as he walked into the kitchen, where Phil was currently was cooking them dinner.

Usually it was Dan cooking dinner but he was too busy editing for a new video that he would be uploading in a few days. He wanted this video to be absolutely perfect as it had been two months since he uploaded his last video. Dan had started making videos again but things were going slow.

Luckily, his (and Phil's) subscribers knew that they lost they baby and they didn't mind that Dan was taking extra longer to upload his videos. They knew how heartbroken he was after losing the baby and most of them were being really nice with letting Dan take his time making his youtube videos.

Phil looked over and smiled when he saw Dan walk into the kitchen. It was the first time he's seen him tonight in a couple hours as Dan had been busy with all of his editing. "Um, no. I haven't seen it anywhere. We went out earlier today. Did you leave it in your coat?" Phil asked curiously.

"My coat! Good thinking, thanks Phil!" Dan yelled as he ran out of the kitchen.

"Dinner's ready in 30!" Phil called after him. He chuckled and shook his head.

Dan ran straight to his and Phil's bedroom. They started sharing their bedroom after Dan had lost the baby because Phil didn't feel comfortable with leaving Dan on his own. He didn't want Dan to hurt himself of some sort. He wanted to make sure that Dan was at least safe. Dan had self-harmed once after he lost the baby and it shocked Phil. Phil didn't want him to do it again so he was always keeping a close eye on Dan and making sure he wouldn't self harm again.

Dan walked over to his closet and opened the door. He sighed as he looked down and saw an absolute mess. He definitely hadn't been motivated to do anything cleaning lately. He had been too busy with filming and then editing his new youtube video.

"Bloody hell," Dan grumbled. He sat down on his knees and started searching threw the clothes that were laying on the floor of the closet. "Where the fuck is my phone?" He sat there for a few seconds, still going through the mess that was his closet. Dan immediately stopped when he spotted something blue in the blanket. "What's this?" He reached over and grabbed it. He pulled it out, and his eyes watered up as soon as he saw what it was.

The little blue blanket that Dan had bought as soon as they found out that they were having a boy. Dan hadn't seen this blanket since the day he lost the baby. Every time he looked at it... he teared up. It was hard for him to think about the baby, and the fact that he had lost it.

"My little baby," Dan sobbed as stared at the blanket. He clutched the blanket to his chest as tears began to pour out of his eyes. "Fuck!" He curled up into a ball and held onto the blanket, letting tears pour out of his eyes. "Wh-Why did this h-have to hap-hapen to me?"

It was a half an hour later when Phil had finished dinner. He grabbed the two plates and went to the lounge, where he figured that Dan would be at. "Dinner's ready to be s-" Phil stopped as soon as he saw that Dan wasn't there. "Oh no. This can't be good," Phil sat the plates down on the table and then he walked out of the lounge. He went to his and Dan's bedroom. "Dan?" He asked as he walked into the bedroom. He looked down and frowned as soon as he saw Dan curled up by their closet. "Oh Dan." Phil whispered as he walked over to him.

"P-Phil?" Dan asked tiredly as he looked up, blinking a few times.

"Dan, what happened?" Phil asked calmly as he bent down. He blinked a few times when he saw that Dan was holding a blanket. "What is that?" He asked. He went to grab it but Dan gasped and held it tighter to his chest, his eyes still filled with tears. "Dan, baby-"

"Don't call me that!" Dan cried as tears began pouring out of his eyes.

"Please talk to me, Dan. What's wrong?" Phil asked nervously.

"What did I do wrong?" Dan asked quietly as he looked up at Phil.

"Wh-What are you talking about? You didn't-" Phil began to say.

"Why did it have to happen to me? T-To us? Why our baby?" Dan asked.

Phil closed his eyes as soon as Dan mentioned the baby, and held his breath.

Dan held out his hands and revealed the blanket that he was holding.

Phil looked down and bit his lip as he stared at the blanket. "Oh my God," he whispered. He grabbed the blanket from Dan and held onto it. "I-I thought you got rid of this?" He asked as he stared at it. It had been quite a long time since Phil had seen this blanket, he had almost forgotten about it.

"I-I couldn't," Dan sobbed. He slowly pushed himself up. "I wanted that baby... s-so much."

"I know love, and I wanted it just as much as you did," Phil whispered.

"Why did it have to happen to us? I t-took care of myself," Dan said.

"Hey, don't you dare... it was not your fault," Phil warned gently.

Dan looked up at Phil as tears fell out of his eyes. "I should have been more careful-"

"Stop!" Phil snapped. He took a deep breath. "It was not your fault, okay? You did everything you possibly could. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough. I know it's still hard for you to talk about but it's like I said before, if you ever want to... we can try for another."

"It's too soon," Dan whispered. He wiped away some of his tears, but they kept falling.

"I know. We're still young... we still have plenty of time left to start a family. We don't have to rush into anything," Phil assured him.

Dan sat there for a few seconds in silence before he looked up at Dan. "I'm sorry."

"Dan, what are you apologizing for now?" Phil asked.

"You had to put up with me this past year. I know it wasn't easy. You didn't even have time to grieve over the baby. It wasn't fair to you," Dan whispered.

"Don't worry about me, okay? I just wanted to make sure you were okay, you were the only thing I cared about" Phil told him. He sat down next to Dan and immediately wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly, pulling him close to him. "Things will get better. I promise." He whispered.

"Promise you'll be with me, no matter how hard life gets?" Dan begged.

"I will never leave you, Dan. You know I'll be here with you no matter what. I would have left you by now if I didn't mean that, don't you think? We've been through a lot of stuff together and we'll get through more ups and downs... but I'll be there with you, _always_." Phil promised.

Dan quickly reached over and grabbed the blanket it again and held onto it tightly as he closed his eyes and stayed very close to Phil, he didn't want to let go of him at all. Phil rubbed Dan's arms gently as he held onto him. "Do you want to get up on the bed?"

"No. I just want to stay right here," Dan whispered as he rested his head on Phil's chest.

"I'm not going anywhere," Phil whispered. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.


End file.
